Another Man's Child
by Loveedith
Summary: This is an Edith and Anthony story, of course. And an Alice story. Alice is Edith's daughter. I know she will have another name in the series, but to me she will always be Alice. Canon, or mostly canon, before S5.
1. A Quiet Meal

With a sigh of relief Sir Anthony Strallan sank down on the sofa. He had taken a table by the back window of the café, behind a big plant. He didn't like to be noticed when he had his meals. Not that he thought anyone he knew would frequent a place like this - a simple café just outside the centre of York - but he was getting more and more self-conscious about eating in public with his one functioning arm, fearing he would spill his tea or drop marmalade on his shirt.

He ordered some tea and scones with clotted cream and marmalade, just a simple meal. But it was nice to eat somewhere else than Locksley for a change.

It was nice to be back in York. When he saw the opera house he was reminded of that concert he had invited Lady Edith to, and instead of feeling sorry that he had lost her he actually felt happy that he had known her. Those were the days. The days before he became a cripple.

Today he had taken his car all the way to York on his own. He had made a device for the car that allowed him to manoeuvre the gears and the wheel at the same time, with his only hand. He had tested it out a couple of times before, driving around at his estate with his driver in the seat beside him. But today was the first time he had actually been driving on his own.

He had felt so free.

He hadn't realised how much he had actually missed being able to drive. He had felt so happy doing it now, so strong and competent, so much more like a real man. So he kept driving and before he knew it he had driven all the way to York.

But now hunger had struck him, so he had entered the café. He would just have some tea and then return.

...

Lady Edith and her daughter Alice were sitting with Tim Drewe in a café in York, having tea and scones. They were sitting just behind a big plant, though Edith was sure nobody she knew would go to a simple café like this anyway. Alice was sitting in her mother's lap, happy about the outing. She liked going by car. She liked to eat out. She liked almost everything, but most of all she liked her Mummy.

Little Alice was a happy child, always laughing and smiling. It made it a little bit easier for Edith.

...

Sir Anthony was shaken from his reverie by a familiar voice. "Alice, darling, do you want some more scone? Let Mama help you", he suddenly heard Lady Edith say.

He had noticed that a young couple with a little baby was sitting at a table a bit from him, shielded by another big plant. It was the mother talking to her baby daughter.

"Dada", he heard the baby say.

"You old fool", Sir Anthony chastised himself. "You keep seeing her everywhere, don't you. Hearing her voice everywhere."

Sir Anthony shook his head. Of course it wasn't Edith. She wasn't a mother, though he had once wished he would be able to make her one. Well, things had changed. Life doesn't always get the way we want it to.

Then Sir Anthony heard the young man talk for the first time.

"Lady Edith! I'm afraid we will have to go back now", he said softly. "Before anyone starts wondering."

...

Lady Edith! Sir Anthony almost dropped the teacup he was holding in his hand.

This was no fidget of his imagination. This was real.

He realised that he was in the same room as Lady Edith Crawley for the first time since he left church on their wedding day.

* * *

AN: I really shouldn't start on a new story before I have finished A Sudden Interest in Pigs. And The Tangled Web of Life. But I got this idea that doesn't really fit into either one of them, so here goes. Sorry.

Thank you for reading! And if you really wish to make me happy, please leave a comment!


	2. Sneaking Out

"Sir!"

Sir Anthony stopped short. He had tried to sneak out of the café in York and had just opened the door as quietly as he could possibly do when the owner called out to him.

Sir Anthony immediately realised that he hadn't paid his bill.

Because what the owner was uttering wasn't a polite 'Sir Anthony'-Sir. It was a 'You-haven't-paid-for-your-tea-and-I-have-got-my-eyes-on-you'-Sir. A Sir full of contempt.

"I'm sorry, I forgot, I had no intention to... sneak out of...paying! I assure you!" Sir Anthony stuttered, full of remorse.

The owner gave him a stern look. 'Well, you could have fooled me', the look said, but he was a polite man, so he didn't say anything more than that first single 'Sir!'.

Sir Anthony fumbled out a ten-pound note from his wallet and placed it in the owner's hand, telling him to keep the change. The owner looked at the bank-note in his hand, dumbfounded. He was holding more money than he usually made in a month.

...

Sir Anthony had thought over his possibilities to get out of the Café before Lady Edith recognised him. He realised he had to act quickly. Lady Edith and her husband - Sir Anthony was too nervous to wonder about the fact that Edith's husband called her _Lady _Edith - were about to leave soon. So Sir Anthony had to leave at once.

Because Edith was surely going to recognise the open Rolls that he had parked outside the Café. If she saw that she would think he had eavesdropped on her. Which - in fact - he had.

And if she saw the gear-changing device in the car, she would be still more certain that it was his. Because they had discussed a thing like that during their courtship. He had told her how much he longed to be able to drive again and Edith - who was mechanically inclined and a driver herself - had come up with the idea of changing the car so he could drive it with one hand and his feet. She had even come up with a few ideas of how to do that, some of which he had used, although he hadn't been able to complete the construction and have it built for him until now.

So he decided to simply get up and leave the Café, making as little noise as possible.

The plan would have been perfect if it wasn't for the fact that he hadn't yet paid his bill.

...

This was by far the most embarrassing moment yet in Sir Anthony's life. It even topped the time when Lord Grantham had asked for a word with him in the library and then told Anthony to keep his hands off Edith. Or, well, hand, really.

Lord Grantham had been too polite to tell Anthony in so many words that he found him too old and too damaged to even think about his beautiful young daughter.

What a dirty old man Anthony had felt like at the time! He had felt like the vile seducer of the young innocent girl. How embarrassed he had been!

But at least at that time Lady Edith hadn't been present.

Which she was now.

...

Edith, who had just got up from her seat, was looking at the scene with a turmoil of different emotions. She hadn't seen Sir Anthony for several years, and some of her old feelings of love came back to her now. But she also remembered how much this man had humiliated her. And she didn't like to be caught out together with Alice - however much she loved her little girl. She didn't want Sir Anthony to look down on her because she had given birth to a child out-of-wedlock.

At the same time she couldn't help finding the whole situation quite a bit funny.

Because of course Edith knew that Anthony hadn't tried to sneak away from the bill. He had tried to sneak away from her.

Edith didn't really know what the ladylike thing to do was on an occasion like this - when unexpectedly meeting the man who has jilted you for the first time after it happened. So she just got out a two-shilling coin from her purse and placed that on top of Sir Antony's banknote in the owners hand. "And this one is for us", she said pointing at Tim Drewe, who was holding the baby in his arms. "You can keep the change."

...

Edith had looked at him in many different ways during the years, Sir Anthony thought. But not in quite the same way as she was looking at him now. It was a mixture of shock from the unexpected encounter and something else. Something very much like - well - amusement? As if she tried very hard to suppress a laughter.

And the more he looked at her the more amused she seemed to get. And, strangely enough, so did he.

Until Edith finally couldn't hold herself back any longer. Lady Edith burst out laughing.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! And thank you so much for the kind comment's! They are what keep me writing.

I have no idea of how much you could get for ten pounds or two shillings in those day. I'm sure it is possible to find out, but I frankly don't want to. I only wanted to show you that Sir Anthony feels so embarrassed that he leaves a ridiculously large tip. And I like the image of the small coin on top of the big note. So in my story two shillings is enough to pay for two teas with scones and a little something for the baby.

I am avoiding DA and Tumblr on the internet right now, because I'm sure there are spoilers. I hope to be able to finish this story as well as _A Sudden Interest in Pigs _before S5 starts airing in England. Which also leaves me very little time to read and review other people's fanfiction. Sorry about that!


	3. Little Alice

Little Alice had looked hesitantly from her mother to this unknown man. She could feel the tension between the two of them. Who was he?

At least he didn't look angry. Most of all he looked scared. Very strange, Alice thought. How could he be scared of Mummy? Mummy was so kind and this man was so big. He shouldn't be scared of anyone.

But then Mummy started laughing, and the big man looked a little less afraid. So Alice started laughing herself. A tinkling little laugh, with her mouth wide open, showing her four little teeth.

Something was funny. Alice didn't know exactly what, but she didn't want to miss out on the fun.

So she kept laughing.

...

The laughter of a little baby is irresistible, as I'm sure you all know. All the four grownups present looked at the giggling little girl, some of them laughing, the others just smiling.

She was so cute.

Edith had wondered how she would react if she ever met Sir Anthony again. She certainly hadn't imagined that she would laugh. But as they stood there looking at each other, listening to the happy little girl, Edith laughing and Anthony smiling, it was like something hard and frozen started melting inside them both.

Sir Anthony was still very embarassed. But at least Edith didn't seem to be angry with him. Which he had expected her to be.

"I'm sorry, Sir Anthony", Edith said when she at last managed to calm down. "I shouldn't laugh. It's just so hilarious. I mean, I have dreaded meeting you again for all these years. And now - well - it seems that you..."

She trailed off. She realised it wasn't polite to tell him that he seemed to be more afraid of the meeting than she was. But she kept looking into his face, where Alice's laughter had put a big smile by now. The smile that she had loved to see all those years ago. Oh, how nice it was to see it again!

She still loved him, she realised.

How could that be? She loved Michael, didn't she, she wouldn't have Alice otherwise.

But suddenly she realised she didn't even remember what Michael looked like. Except on that one photo she had of him. It was like he had been put into that photo, and that was the end of him.

Did Michael have the kind of smile Anthony had? So friendly and loving?

Surely not!

...

"You really don't have to give a tip like that, Sir", the owner of the café said to Anthony with a friendly smile. This time his Sir was nice and polite. "I just can't accept it. I can't accept it, and I'm afraid I can't change it either. The tea was only a shilling tuppence."

"Well", Sir Anthony said, feeling so much better now that he knew that nobody was angry with him. "I gave it to you, so it is yours. A gentleman can't get back on his word."

Then, as an afterthought, he added with a short laugh: "But if you want to give me some change, you could give me that two-shilling. If it makes you feel better. Then we are even. Don't bother looking for any more change."

He didn't say that he wanted to put Edith's two-shilling in the drawer at Locksley where he kept all of his Edith things. A couple of photographs, the program for the concert in York, her articles, some invitations to Downton Abbey...

He really was an old fool, wasn't he. Especially now, when he knew she had given birth to another man's child.

The owner of the café thought for a moment, then he decided to accept the ten pounds. He gave the coin to Anthony with a smile.

"Thank you so much Sir! Thank you so very much! You are most generous!" he said, making Sir Anthony even more embarrassed.

...

It was not until then that Sir Anthony looked at Edith's husband. And immediately recognised him.

It was Tim Drewe, who was now one of Lord Grantham's tenants. Had Edith married one of her father's tenants? Well, times were changing, weren't they. Edith's sister had married Downton's driver, so why not?

"Good afternoon, Mr Drewe", Sir Anthony said with a friendly smile.

"Good afternoon, Sir Anthony", Tim Drewe replied.

That was exactly the moment when Sir Anthony realised why Edith couldn't have married this man.

Because Tim Drewe was already married. And the father of quite a number of children.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! And thank you so very much for all kind and interesting comments! They all brightened my day!

...

Let's talk some about English money!

Nowadays there are 100 pennies to a pound, as I'm sure most of you know.

But perhaps some of you don't know that before 1971 there were 20 shillings to a pound and then 12 pennies to a shilling. Which makes 240 pence to a pound and 2400 to a ten-pound note. Earlier there were some smaller coins also, a halfpenny and a quarter of a penny, the latter was called a farthing.

Sir Anthony's tea cost 12 pennies for the shilling and 2 for the tuppence. 14 pence in all. Which is less than a hundredth of what he actually paid for it.

In 1971 an old man was quoted to have said: "I wish they could wait making all those changes until all we old people have passed away."

...

Why did Sir Anthony have to pay 14 pence for his tea while Edith and Tim got away with 24 pence, tip included, for two people? Well, I honestly don't know. Perhaps they shared a can of tea, perhaps they didn't order any clotted cream.

And if you_ did_ wonder about this before I mentioned it here, you are a kindred spirit! I always wonder about little things like that in stories.


	4. The Open Rolls-Royce

When Sir Anthony understood that Edith couldn't be married to Tim Drewe he stared in disbelief at the little girl on Drewe's arm. Had he made a mistake? Was this really one of Tim Drewe's many children?

The little girl was smiling back at Anthony. And no - there was no mistake. No, no, no, no. No. No!

This was Edith's daughter. He was sure of it. Absolutely sure.

That shy little smile looked exactly like Edith's own shy smiles.

"This is little Alice", Edith said when she saw Sir Anthony staring at her girl. And that was all the introduction she was going to give. She suddenly felt that she didn't want to deny her daughter, not to Anthony. And she didn't know yet if she would be able to trust him with her secret.

"Good afternoon, Lady Alice", Sir Anthony said with absolute sincerity, bowing his head. He smiled at the little girl as he took her tiny hand in his big one and shook it gently.

Little Alice started laughing again, this man was so funny. So nice and so funny.

...

Nothing more was said for a long while.

The café-owner wiped the tables they had used and carried the dirty china into the kitchen.

Edith and Anthony were looking at each other, unable to take their eyes off each other. None of them knew what to say or do next. There was so much between them that needed to be sorted out and explained . So much that was too painful or difficult to talk about.

But neither of them wanted to part now that they had finally met again.

Drewe was still holding little Alice in his arms, wondering what he ought to do. He had been present at their failed wedding, he knew what had happened between Lady Edith and Sir Anthony. He wondered if he should protect Lady Edith from Sir Anthony in some way. But he also knew that Lady Edith didn't want anyone to interfere with her life.

Alice wondered what this was all about. She looked from her mother to the big man. Why were they looking at each other like that? This was really strange! Even Alice found it best to be quiet.

...

They might very well have stood there in silence all afternoon if the door of the café hadn't been opened. Some new customers were entering into the café and asking the owner for a table.

That finally got them on their way.

...

Outside the café Drewe's truck was parked just beside Sir Anthony's open Rolls-Royce. Sir Anthony hadn't even noticed the truck when he parked his own car. If he had known that it belonged to someone from Downton Abbey he would have gone to another café.

Anthony wondered who Edith's husband was. And where he was.

Edith and her daughter had obviously for some reason accompanied Drewe when he was picking up supplies in York. Perhaps because she wanted to get ideas for her column in the Sketch.

Perhaps Edith was visiting Downton with her daughter while her husband remained at their home. Wherever that was.

Who was the little girls father? To whom was Edith married? Anthony didn't dare to ask.

But at least he knew now that she was married. She had a child, a lovely little girl. She was happy. He had done the right thing when he gave her up.

...

"Oh! You've still got the Rolls!" Edith exclaimed when she saw Anthony's car. She would have clapped her hands if she hadn't been holding Alice in her arms. She had taken Alice from Drewe before they went out of the café. "I thought you were such a modern man, always wanting the latest."

"Well, I do have a newer car at home. But I have kept this one also. Couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. Old memories, you know..."

Then he showed her his gear-device, explaining all the details of how it worked. Edith was full of admiration. She asked a couple of intelligent questions, as usual. How nice it was to talk to a woman who understood how an engine worked!

"I thought it better to use this car for my gear-device", he said. "To experiment with. Not to damage the new car that my driver uses. But perhaps I will have one made for that one also, now that I know that it is working."

...

Showing Edith all the intricacies of his gear-device made Anthony very excited. It felt like old times. It even made him forget that she was married to someone else.

"If you and your dau...I mean our little friend here..." He hesitated for a second, giving the beautiful little girl another friendly smile. "Well, if you can spare the time, I'd be delighted to...take you out for a spin. To let you see how all this works."

"Like we used to", Edith said dreamily.

Then she accepted the invitation. Much to Anthony's surprise.

"Thank you! We would love to go with you now!"

...

So it was decided that Drewe should return alone to Downton with the lorry and the supplies. Anthony should drive Edith and Alice to Locksley, and later to the village, where Drewe would pick them up.

Anthony's heart skipped a beat when Edith got into the passenger seat of the Rolls, putting little Alice down in her lap. This is what life should be like, he thought, as he started the engine. Driving around with one's wife and one's daughter.

But of course he knew that life wasn't like that, not even now. He was in fact driving around with someone else's wife.

Another man's wife and another man's child.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! And thank you so much for your kind reviews!

...

I know absolutely nothing about cars, which is perhaps obvious from this.


	5. A Spin

Here I am again, riding in Anthony's Rolls, Edith thought to herself. Like I did when I was 19. Here I go again. Falling in love with a man who has shown me in the clearest possible way that he doesn't want me.

The man she had thought would be her husband. She had thought that for so many years.

Well, she would probably never get married as things were now. She had given up hope that Gregson would ever come back. She wasn't even interested in having him back any longer. Perhaps he was dead, perhaps he had planned his disappearance from the start. Perhaps he had only talked about getting a divorce to get Edith into bed.

Which he had succeeded in, of course.

'My wife doesn't understand me.' Wasn't that what all married men said when they wanted to seduce a woman? Only Michael had taken it a step further. 'My wife doesn't understand anything.'

Edith smiled at the thought, which probably meant she was over Michael. She had been more or less sure of that for some time. Meeting Anthony again, feeling her old love for this much nicer man come back, only made it definite.

She wasn't angry with Michael, though. She had known what she had been doing. And he had given her Alice, Alice who was the best thing that had ever happened to her, though she hadn't understood that to begin with.

...

Here I go again, Anthony thought. Out on a spin with a woman young enough to be my daughter.

And the worst thing about it was that she was married to somebody else.

It actually was, because the age gap didn't feel as insurmountable any longer. Edith had matured during the few years they had been apart, she was most definitely a woman and not a young girl any longer. So much had happened in her life.

And nothing whatsoever had happened in Anthony's own life. He had done nothing but managing the estate and feeling sorry for himself. Being lonesome. The most stimulating thing he had done was thinking out ways to manage things with only one arm. Making up devices or just finding new ways to do things.

So if Anthony would marry Edith now it wouldn't feel like he was robbing a young innocent girl of her youth. Edith had been 19 when they were first going out together, 20 in 1914 when he almost proposed to her. She had been 26 when he actually proposed, but she had still been so sweet and innocent. He had been certain that she was too young and unexperienced to really understand what she was doing. That she didn't know anything about marriage. That she needed to be protected from herself, and from him.

Those were his main reasons to leave her at the altar. He was unable to say no to her, so he wanted to make sure she would never want to see him again. If Lady Grantham hadn't interfered he was even sure Edith would have been able to persuade him to stay that day.

Edith was still less than 30 now, but she was a mother and a journalist. And a wife. Anthony had known about Edith's career as a journalist, but the little girl in her lap had come as a surprise to him. The little girl, who looked so much like her mother, and all the implications of that.

Alice was a lovely little girl, just the kind of daughter Anthony would have liked to have himself. He gave the little girl a quick smile, then he looked back on the road again and kept driving. He was wondering how this had happened. Wondering what would happen if they were to meet some of Edith's relatives.

But Edith had talked about going to Locksley with him, so that was what he had to do.

...

Alice was smiling. It was so nice to sit in this lovely car. Much better than the pig-lorry. She wanted to tell her Mummy that she liked all of this, so she prattled along.

"Dada", she said. "Da,da. Dadada."

Anthony and Edith had been quiet for a long time, both lost into their own thoughts. None of them knew what to say next. But Alice's baby-talk made them both smile.

"I hope Lady Alice enjoys the spin", Anthony said, smiling once more at the little girl and then at Edith.

"I'm sure she does", Edith answered. "She always likes to get out and see new things."

Edith looked at Anthony who was smiling just the way he used to. Her heart filled with warmth at the sight of him. He was so wonderful. She only hesitated a moment, before she added:

"Alice enjoys the spin. And so do I."

...

What is this? Anthony wondered. Is she flirting with me? She can't be, I am the same old fool as I always have been, imagining things. She is married.

But they started talking together again, avoiding things that could be too personal or too painful. They talked about what had happened in the world since they last met, about things Edith had written in her columns, about improvements Anthony had made to his estate.

About new books and old music.

It was just like old times, they had so much in common. The conversation lasted all the way to the turn-off to Locksley. Edith suddenly realised that it wasn't such a good idea to drive around with Anthony in an open car. Or with Alice. But luckily they hadn't met anyone she knew, and now the risk was over.

Anthony kept reminding himself that Edith was married. He had even less right to her now than he had had last time he saw her. She was married and a mother for god's sake!

...

When Edith saw Locksley in the distance her heart skipped a beat. This could have been her home for many years now. Her home and her children's home. She had been sure it would become that all those years ago.

And maybe it wasn't too late...

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you so much for all the lovely comments!

...

Two more chapters to go, I think. Or perhaps two chapters and an epilogue.


	6. Another Man's Child

Edith was back in Anthony's library at Locksley. The place where she and Anthony had been together so many times before. Edith was sitting on the sofa, Anthony on a chair nearby. Nothing had changed since she visited him again for the first time after the war. That time they had been arguing about if it was suitable for the two of them to be together or not.

That hadn't been the last time they had argued about that. Using the same arguments, time and time again. None of them ever giving up or changing their opinion.

Not until that enchanted evening at Downton Abbey, when the big party had changed into a picnic. When she and Anthony had been singing _Let me call you sweetheart_ together. She had heard his voice behind her, he really had a beautiful baryton. A baronet with a baryton, she thought with a smile.

They had been so close at the time, and she had been so tempted to lean back against him, leaning her back and the back of her head against his chest - he was so much taller than her. But she hadn't dared to do that, not in front of all those people.

Later that evening - and much to her surprise but more to her delight - Anthony had proposed to her. Asking if she would let him call her sweetheart for the rest of his life. It had been the sweetest proposal. He had been a bit tipsy, but not drunk. And she had never loved him more.

Not until now, that is. The way he had fussed about Alice, seeing to it that she was comfortable. Asking Edith if she needed anything for the baby, getting an old wooden horse out from a cupboard for Alice to play with.

But Alice really only needed to sleep, so now they were sitting there quietly together. Anthony on his chair, Edith on the sofa and Alice sleeping in Edith's arms.

So of course something _had_ changed.

Things were the way they used to be. But not entirely so.

...

Perhaps it was motherhood that had done it, perhaps it was the writing. Edith was no longer a young girl who didn't know what she was doing, Anthony thought. Leaving her like that had given her a chance to grow up. That was what he had wanted, and that was what she had done.

But he still couldn't marry her, of course he couldn't. Getting married to someone else and becoming a mother was what he had wanted for her that day. It was exactly what had happened.

He ought to be happy for her, he really ought to. So why was he so sad?

"I'm sorry", Anthony said at last. He said it in a low voice, not to disturb Alice. "I'm so sorry about leaving you in church like that. I know I must have hurt you terribly. But I just had to do it. You were so sweet and innocent. I just couldn't marry you. I was sure you didn't know what you were doing..."

...

_You were so young and innocent..._not you _are_ so young and innocent, Edith noted. So perhaps there was still some hope.

Edith had heard the whisperings, though they had never been meant for her ears. The whisperings about how Sir Anthony had locked himself in, how he never went outside Locksley. How he had avoided people, too ashamed to show his face in public.

At the time she had thought that it had served him right, he really had humiliated her. But now she suddenly understood that he had meant what he had said to her in church.

That classical breaking up phrase - 'You will be happy, but not with me' - Anthony had really meant that. He had been doing it for her, she had really been his _dearest darling_. He had left her there because he felt she couldn't be happy with him - that she would _waste_ herself on him. He hadn't left her because he had found her a pain in the ass, as she had thought at the time.

The more Edith thought about this the happier she felt.

And Anthony knew that Alice was Edith's daughter, he had almost called her that outside the café. He most definitely knew. But still it didn't seem that he despised her, that he thought that she was a slut for having a child out-of-wedlock.

...

"Well it seems that it was for the best, anyhow", Anthony added. "You are a writer now, a very successful one. You are a wife and a mother. You are all the things I could ever have wished for you to be."

And he gave Edith another of his lovely smiles, but this time she was unable to return it. She suddenly realised that he had got it all wrong. That was the reason he was so friendly! He thought that she was married!

Well, he was wrong wasn't he? For some reason it made her angry. Without thinking over the consequences she blurted out:

"Alice is my daughter, of course she is. But I'm not married. Never have been. Her father is married, but not to me."

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you so much for all the lovely comments!

...

Season 5 is on air on September 21 in the UK. This story will be finished before that. But my pig story probably won't. I have found that the story benefits from a little shallow research, so it will take a little more time.

And I have got a sudden interest in pigs from reading things on the many pig-sites on-line. There is much more to pigs than I have ever known. They are really fascinating animals.

...

I think Gregson will return in season 5, because there has been pictures of Edith and her daughter together in public, which I think wouldn't be possible if she wasn't married. Probably Gregson has been hit on the head and forgotten everything, only to regain his memory a couple of years later - like a new Patrick Gordon.

I don't care much about was happens though - unless Anthony comes back, of course. I only watch Downton now for the funny scenes. Carson, Mrs Patmore, Violet.

And for the fantastic actors, especially Laura Carmichael.


	7. Tears

Edith's words echoed through Sir Anthony's head. _Alice is my daughter. But I'm not married. Her father is married, but not to me._

Yes, that was exactly what she had told him. And after the first shock at hearing it, it filled him with a small glimmer of hope. She wasn't married to Alice's father, she probably couldn't marry him either. So perhaps - perhaps, perhaps - there was still a small chance that she would want to...

And a smile started spreading on Anthony's face, even though he did his best to suppress it, knowing he had no right whatsoever to expect anything at all from Edith. And also, he didn't want to smile when he heard that the little girl had been awoken from her sleep and started to cry. The poor little thing!

Anthony didn't really mind that Edith had carried on an affair with a married man. He didn't know her reasons, but he was sure that the way he himself had abandoned her was partly to blame for it.

...

Edith didn't see Anthony's reaction to her words, which was perhaps as well. She was too busy comforting Alice.

Alice had been disturbed by Edith's angry voice. Her little crying face was red and twisted from fear and unhappiness. The tears came streaming from her eyes while she cried. Edith got up from the sofa and walked around the library, rocking her daughter softly up and down in her arms.

"Hush, hush, my darling!" Edith said in a soft and comforting tone. "Don't be afraid, my little one. Mummy isn't angry, not with you, at any rate."

After a while Alice calmed down. She was sitting on her mother's arm, with her thumb in her mouth. She had almost stopped crying, she only sobbed softly a number of times, with larger and larger intervals.

Anthony had got up from his seat immediately when Edith did so. Now he stood there looking admiringly at Edith who was so good with her little child. She was a good mother, he had known all the time that she would be that. He smiled, they were so sweet together, the two of them.

Alice looked accusingly at Sir Anthony over Edith's shoulder. Why had he made Mummy upset? Alice had thought the man was nice, but she had been wrong, it seemed.

...

Edith had wondered and worried many times what Anthony would think if he ever found out that she was an unmarried mother. She had expected him to despise her, to think that he had been lucky to get away from someone as loose as her. So perhaps it was as well that she didn't see his first reaction, she thought.

But he had said it was for the best that he jilted her - why on earth would he think that?

"I have to hide my child away", Edith said in a low voice, when she saw that Anthony was smiling. "An outing like this, when we can be together all day, it is a rare thing. Most days I don't see her at all, and the days that I do it is often only for five or ten minutes. I have to pretend I hardly know her. Tim Drewe and his wife are taking care of her, after I get back to him today, he will take her home with him, and I will probably not be able to see her for many days. My parents don't even know she exists."

She was quiet for a moment, wondering what more she should tell him, then she continued.

"Her father is missing, he is either dead or running away from me. He has been missing in Germany for more than one and a half year. And I frankly don't think I want him back any longer. He doesn't even know about Alice either."

She was quiet for a moment again.

"So why do you think it was for the best? How can you be happy about this?" she added with trembling voice.

Anthony could see that she had tears in her eyes, he had already stopped smiling. But this whole thing gave him a chance to be of real use to Edith. He had frankly never understood why she had wanted him, that time, when she pursued him after the war. He had really thought she was about to waste herself on him. But now - if she married him - it would be possible for her to live with her daughter openly.

"I'm not... happy... about your... situation... of course not", Anthony stuttered. "It must be... terrible..."

"So, why were you smiling like that then?"

"Because...well...I only thought...if you are not married...and can't marry Alice's father...and if you can find it in your heart... to forgive me...then perhaps...well...if you find Locksley ...suitable... for little Alice... to grow up in..."

He hesitated for a moment, seeing Edith staring at him in disbelief. Then he continued.

"The thought... of that...made me happy. But...of course... I can never... expect you...to forgive..."

Then he did a thing that even surprised himself. He stepped close to her, putting his arm around her shoulders and his lips against the top of her head.

"I...love you...Edith", he murmured against her hair, not sure if she could hear him over the gentle sobs of the baby and not entirely sure if he wanted her to hear him.

...

Edith _did_ hear Anthony's words, but she wasn't sure if he was really saying them or if she was only imagining things, so she didn't answer him. But she didn't try to get away from him, she enjoyed having his arm around her shoulders like that. It was comforting - but it also made her heart flutter, having him so near her.

After standing like that in silence for a while they all sat down on the sofa.

They were sitting there all three of them together, Alice in her mother's arms, Anthony with his good arm around Edith. Alice had stopped sobbing all together now and was busy sucking her little thumb. Her eyelids had started to droop, and soon she was fast asleep again.

The grown ups were sitting there, very close and very quiet, for a long while. They were careful not to wake the little baby up again. Then Edith at last looked up at Anthony with her eyes full of sorrow.

And he started to kiss her tears away...

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AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for the nice reviews!


	8. A Kiss

AN: I'm not really happy about this chapter. But it's two days since I finished it, and I haven't managed to make it any better since then so here goes.

* * *

Edith was sitting with her sleeping baby in her arms on Anthony's sofa in the library at Locksley. This was the place that felt most like home to her of all places on earth.

She had Anthony's warm chest against her side, his warm arm around her shoulders and his warm lips against her cheeks and eyelids, kissing her tears away. She felt like she was inside a dream, not wanting ever to wake up again. He was really kissing her face. He was so near and so tender, how had she ever been able to forget how much she loved him?

When his lips finally reached her mouth she shivered with delight. She answered his kiss, anxious to show him that this was good. That she had longed for his kisses for such a long time.

Could this last for ever, she asked herself. Could he still love her, could he accept her little daughter with another man? Or perhaps he was like Michael, just wanting to seduce her, now that he knew that it was possible to do that without marrying her?

She decided to give Anthony the benefit of the doubt. Especially since her whole body was craving to be seduced by him now, the sooner the better, if she only had somewhere safe to put her baby down.

...

But Edith wanted something else, something more than the love-making her body was urging for.

So she broke the kiss.

They weren't kissing any longer and she was able to think a little clearer. But they were still sitting there close together, enjoying each other's warmth, although Edith realised she would soon have to leave if she didn't want to get too many questions when she finally got home to Downton.

She wanted to make love to Anthony, of course she did. But even more than that she wanted a life with him. She wanted to trust him. She wanted a place to feel safe.

Edith wanted to see Anthony every day across the table. She wanted to talk to him about all the many things they were both interested in. It had been so nice to talk to him again during their drive here today, just like they used to...

She also wanted somewhere for Alice to grow up and feel loved and appreciated. She wanted more children, Anthony's children, children that she could be happy about from the start, all from the moment she first realised she was pregnant. She was sure that a pregnancy like that would be very different from the one with Alice.

Edith sometimes wondered if she had hurt Alice those first few months she had the little one in her womb. During that time when she had been absolutely sure that she didn't want this child. Could a foetus feel that - feel that it was unwanted?

Although Edith hadn't been entirely able to suppress her happiness when the little one started kicking in her belly later on. Or when she held Alice in her arms after she was born.

But then she had left Alice in Switzerland, saying good-bye to her daughter, never intending to see her little girl again. Had Alice missed her mother during the month she was away? Edith didn't know.

Edith herself had felt unwanted in her family most of her life. She was so afraid of making Alice feel the way she herself had done.

...

"I love you Edith", Anthony said again after a while. His voice was a little husky, but he wasn't stuttering any longer. He was feeling more self-assured now, since Edith had returned his very tentative kiss with such eagerness.

But Anthony had still broken the kiss.

Because he didn't want her to think he wanted to take advantage of her. Even though he was longing very much to do exactly that.

But he was a gentleman, unlike the married man who had seduced her. He wanted to prove to her that he didn't look down on her because she was an unmarried mother. He wanted to take it slowly, all in the right time, just like he had done with the young girl he had courted before the war.

The young girl who was Edith.

He didn't want her to think that he expected anything more than kisses from her before they were married. If she would even want to marry him...

Or kiss him...Though she had at least seemed to enjoy that.

...

"I love you too, Anthony", Edith said now, in a low murmur. But he heard it and it filled him with delight. She really did love him! He would probably have tried to get her to marry him anyway, just to protect her and her little daughter. Leaving her to her own business and not demanding anything whatsoever from her.

But this made it feel so much better, so much more right.

"I really love you", he continued. "I always have and I always will. So if you..."

And he rose from the sofa and went down on one knee beside her, taking her right hand in his left one. Her left arm was cradling the sleeping Alice.

"Stop!" Edith said hurriedly, but in a low voice, not to disturb her sleeping child again. "Don't ask me until you know it all! You will change your mind when you hear it. You will despise me. But I have to tell you, you have to know. I have done some horrible things..."

She suddenly felt that she had to tell him everything. Because she had got a glimmer of hope now. He loved her, he had said so himself. He had kissed her, and it had been so sweet. She longed for that to happen again. And he had said that he wanted Alice to grow up at Locksley...

But she felt that she had to be absolutely honest with him before she could even think of a life with him. Secrets are no good, she had had enough of secrets those last few years. More than enough.

"I'm not going to despise you, of course not", Anthony said, seeming quite a bit irritated at the very idea. "I love you. I don't think anything you can tell me can make me love you less." But he still rose to his feet again, sitting down beside her on the sofa. He was still holding her hand.

"Oh, I'm sure it can", Edith said with a nervous sigh. "I assure you. It most certainly can."

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AN: Thank you for reading! And thank you even more to those of you who have been kind enough to give me the lovely reviews! I do appreciate them so very much!


	9. A Gentleman's Word

So Edith started to tell Anthony the whole story about Michael Gregson and Alice.

She started from the letter she had received from Gregson asking her to write a column for the Sketch. She didn't leave out any details, not even the sordid ones, the things she was most ashamed of. Except that she didn't dwell too long on her night with Michael, she was sure Anthony wouldn't want her to get into any details there. Besides, it wasn't very clear in her memory any longer either. But she did tell him that it was the last time she saw Michael, he left for Germany the day after.

She told Anthony about how she had gradually realised that she was pregnant. First she had denied it even to herself, but it had started to get more and more obvious. She told him how scared she had got when it was finally confirmed.

Then she told him about that dreadful place in London that she had gone to in her despair. That had been her main reason to stop him from proposing. Because if he knew about that, he probably wouldn't be able to love her any more. How could he forgive her for that when she couldn't forgive herself?

She also told him how thankful she was that she hadn't been able to get through with that.

Then she told him about Switzerland. How she had abandoned Alice there and gone back to England.

She told him that she hadn't been able to live without her little daughter. How she had gone back to Switzerland and brought Alice back with her. How happy that had made her.

"Well, you can see what a bad mother I am. Wanting to get rid of my child at any cost. You wouldn't want to have me as the mother of your children", Edith concluded. There were new tears in her eyes now.

Anthony had listened to Edith's story in silence all the way through, feeling very much ashamed of himself.

Here he had sat all those last years in his library, feeling miserable for himself but proud of letting Edith live her own life. He had read her columns, certain that she was happy.

This was what she had gone through during that same time! He felt dreadful that she had been driven to such measures of despair.

Well, life wasn't fair, and it was more unfair to women than to men, he realised.

And when she came to the part about becoming the mother of his children his heart started to beat faster.

...

"I don't think you are a bad mother, Edith, not at all", he said, very softly, when he was sure that she had finished. "I think you are a wonderful mother. You did that because you were desperate, because of the way society looks down on unmarried mothers, and their children. Especially among our class of people, I'm afraid. I can see how much you love Alice."

Then he got down on one knee again, and this time she let him do it. He knew it all now, he knew things that she had never dared to tell anyone else. He knew it all and he didn't look down on her because of it. Perhaps she would even be able to forgive herself?

She was so happy that he had said she was a wonderful mother. So if he still wanted her...

"My darling Edith", he said then. "Please be my wife. You would make me the happiest man on earth. I love you so much."

Edith didn't hesitate one second.

"Yes, Anthony!" she exclaimed. "Yes, of course! I have agreed to marry you long ago! I wasn't the one to break that..."

"Good!" Anthony said, getting up from the floor and sitting down on the sofa beside her again. "Now we will just sort out the details."

..

Alice had been awaken by her mother's happy outburst, but this time she wasn't crying.

Mummy was happy. The big man was happy. Everyone was nice and smiling, so Alice was happy too.

The big man started playing peek-a-boo with her - putting his big hand over his face and then removing it - and Alice laughed. He was so funny. He _was _nice, it was probably not his fault that Mummy had been upset.

...

Edith sat there with a huge smile on her face, watching her future husband and her little daughter playing together. This was so wonderful.

She had looked forward to the outing with Tim Drewe for almost two weeks, happy about being able to spend the whole day together with Alice.

She had known it would be good.

But she could never have anticipated that it would be as good as this. Getting back to Anthony. Finding out he still loved her, in spite of all the things she and he had done. Getting back to Locksley. Getting a home that really felt like home since such a long time. Being allowed to share it all with her little daughter.

...

"You told the café-owner that a gentleman can't go back on his word", Edith said softly after a while.

Anthony looked at her, wondering what she was going to say next.

"Did you really mean that? Can I trust you this time?" Edith was tilting her head and looking straight into Anthony's eyes.

The little baby in her arms took after her mother. She was sitting in Edith's lap, looking at Anthony with the same tilted head and the same brown eyes. And the same expression of mirth.

In that moment Anthony saw his future life together with these two lovely creatures lined out before him. He knew that he had never been able to say no to anything Edith asked him for. He realised that once little Alice started to speak, she would be able to wrap him around her little finger as well.

And he was happy.

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AN: This is the end of my story.

I want to leave them there in Locksley's library - the most important place in the show - all three of them together and happy. And I trust it to Anthony and Edith to 'sort out the details' together.

...

Thank you all for reading! Thank you so very much for all the lovely reviews to every chapter of this story! You are all so very kind and generous!

...

Now I'm returning to Sir Brumble and the other pigs in _A Sudden Interest in Pigs_. And later, perhaps, to Jonathan and Elizabeth, Anthony's parents, in _The__ Tangled Web of Life._


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